THE YOUNGER MODEL (GUEST BLOG)
I'm Paula (also known as Pippi) from Insert My Blog Name Here, and Chele asked me to guest-blog on something close to both our hearts. Thanks Chele! So here goes . . .
“And then I realised something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.” Carrie, Sex and The City
I'm still twenty something. But I'm verging close enough to thirty to empathise with this quote fairly acutely. Let me explain...
If only I could turn back time. How frequently I think that. By a couple of days, a couple of hours, perhaps even a minute or two after I have said something thoroughly stupid even by MY standards.
But right now, I feel like turning back the years.
Why is it I feel old now? I want to be young again. I want to be a new, improved YOUNGER model...
Except in this case, the newer improved model existed five years ago.
Let's compare Paula.2003 against Paula.2008
Paula.2003 is 23, Paula.2008 is five years older. Boo . . .
Paula.2003 has a full head of blonde hair. Paula.2008 is potentially going gray. Okay, she's only found one grey hair so far. But it's a slippery slope...
Paula.2003 weighed seven stone thirteen pounds. Paula.2008 is a stone heavier.
Paula.2003 had hope and optimism that she might be in a dead end job right now, but she would eventually find something better. Paula.2008 is . . . in another dead end job.
I might have more money in the bank, a bit more security, a little less (or no) virginity, a far quicker wit, and a bit more savvy than I did back then, but when I compare myself to the 23 year olds out there, the ones with the great jobs and futures ahead of them . . . I wonder what exactly went wrong. Why do they always get the good jobs, the great guys? Why am I the one who is floundering, a tiny fish in a big pond struggling to exist in amongst the sharks? And why are the better and more successful fish so much younger?
Obviously, this is a sweeping generalisation, I know. Not every 23 year old is unbelievably successful, I know this. Just like not every 28 year old is like me and NOT successful – take Chele for example, and all the incredible things she has done in her life. My achievements simply don't compare.
But this isn't about me comparing myself to someone the same age as me. It's about feeling like an old biddy while it seems the people taking all the great jobs, the luck, THE MEN . . . are so much younger. I know I'm not old, I know I don't even LOOK my age . . . but sometimes I just don't understand why getting older makes us seem less attractive to others all of a sudden.
It always has seemed to me that older guys seem to automatically gravitate to younger women. I don't know why. So to now be in the position of finding a guy choose a younger model... it's a bit gutting, to be perfectly frank. But why do they do it? I know, like I said, that I don't LOOK old. I was at a party the other week and people were actually astonished to discover my real age. So why? Is it that it's easier for a guy (or, I guess, a company) to mould a younger model to suit their ways? I know a lot of girls who are far younger than me and completely know their own mind, don't get me wrong. But it's taken me a while to get to a place where I don't WANT to change myself for a man. If, for example, a guy gave me a cd of someone they really liked and asked me to listen, I'd give it a chance. But if I don't like it, I don't like it. I'm not gonna pretend to like, say, The Rolling Stones, or Bruce Springsteen, or a certain film, just to impress someone else. What's the freaking point? To be perfectly honest, I think that's pretty sad. I guess I'm set in my ways – I believe in compromise, and I also believe that I don't have to like the same things someone else likes in order for me to be compatible with them. Is that wrong of me? Apparently.
This isn't even a matter of looks. Although I know I look older now than I did five years ago, I don't know whether it would hurt more to be replaced by a good looking younger model or a version that may have more potential but looks like crap. That's something Chele and I have both wondered about, and to be honest, it's hard to know what would leave a more bitter taste in one's mouth.
But I guess no matter how much I wish I was younger, how much I wish I could turn back time, I don't really want to go back there. Because I have learned so much in the last five years, both about myself and about other people. I feel like that knowledge has shaped me and moulded me as a person, helped me grow. Perhaps I'm not the perfect girl for one guy, perhaps they need someone else that they can help to grow up they way they choose to grow them. But hopefully I'll be the perfect girl for someone else. Someone who actually wants a girl who knows her own mind, who isn't just a sheep.
I'm proud of the fact I've learned enough to know I'm not willing to change completely for someone. I couldn't have said that 5 years ago. I didn't know my own mind back then. Now I do.
I know that while I'm willing to compromise in a relationship, I am not willing to compromise my personality. I also know that someone who doesn't appreciate my personality, likes and dislikes, is not someone I should be with. If being traded in for a younger model means being left on the shelf in the meantime, then I guess so be it.
After all, new trends come and go, and there's always a newer model to replace the previous one for someone who is fickle enough to drop one for another on a frequent basis. But quality vintage? That may be appreciated by fewer, but it's far more lasting . . .
Dedicated to anyone who has ever been traded in for a younger model...
“And then I realised something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.” Carrie, Sex and The City
I'm still twenty something. But I'm verging close enough to thirty to empathise with this quote fairly acutely. Let me explain...
If only I could turn back time. How frequently I think that. By a couple of days, a couple of hours, perhaps even a minute or two after I have said something thoroughly stupid even by MY standards.
But right now, I feel like turning back the years.
Why is it I feel old now? I want to be young again. I want to be a new, improved YOUNGER model...
Except in this case, the newer improved model existed five years ago.
Let's compare Paula.2003 against Paula.2008
Paula.2003 is 23, Paula.2008 is five years older. Boo . . .
Paula.2003 has a full head of blonde hair. Paula.2008 is potentially going gray. Okay, she's only found one grey hair so far. But it's a slippery slope...
Paula.2003 weighed seven stone thirteen pounds. Paula.2008 is a stone heavier.
Paula.2003 had hope and optimism that she might be in a dead end job right now, but she would eventually find something better. Paula.2008 is . . . in another dead end job.
I might have more money in the bank, a bit more security, a little less (or no) virginity, a far quicker wit, and a bit more savvy than I did back then, but when I compare myself to the 23 year olds out there, the ones with the great jobs and futures ahead of them . . . I wonder what exactly went wrong. Why do they always get the good jobs, the great guys? Why am I the one who is floundering, a tiny fish in a big pond struggling to exist in amongst the sharks? And why are the better and more successful fish so much younger?
Obviously, this is a sweeping generalisation, I know. Not every 23 year old is unbelievably successful, I know this. Just like not every 28 year old is like me and NOT successful – take Chele for example, and all the incredible things she has done in her life. My achievements simply don't compare.
But this isn't about me comparing myself to someone the same age as me. It's about feeling like an old biddy while it seems the people taking all the great jobs, the luck, THE MEN . . . are so much younger. I know I'm not old, I know I don't even LOOK my age . . . but sometimes I just don't understand why getting older makes us seem less attractive to others all of a sudden.
It always has seemed to me that older guys seem to automatically gravitate to younger women. I don't know why. So to now be in the position of finding a guy choose a younger model... it's a bit gutting, to be perfectly frank. But why do they do it? I know, like I said, that I don't LOOK old. I was at a party the other week and people were actually astonished to discover my real age. So why? Is it that it's easier for a guy (or, I guess, a company) to mould a younger model to suit their ways? I know a lot of girls who are far younger than me and completely know their own mind, don't get me wrong. But it's taken me a while to get to a place where I don't WANT to change myself for a man. If, for example, a guy gave me a cd of someone they really liked and asked me to listen, I'd give it a chance. But if I don't like it, I don't like it. I'm not gonna pretend to like, say, The Rolling Stones, or Bruce Springsteen, or a certain film, just to impress someone else. What's the freaking point? To be perfectly honest, I think that's pretty sad. I guess I'm set in my ways – I believe in compromise, and I also believe that I don't have to like the same things someone else likes in order for me to be compatible with them. Is that wrong of me? Apparently.
This isn't even a matter of looks. Although I know I look older now than I did five years ago, I don't know whether it would hurt more to be replaced by a good looking younger model or a version that may have more potential but looks like crap. That's something Chele and I have both wondered about, and to be honest, it's hard to know what would leave a more bitter taste in one's mouth.
But I guess no matter how much I wish I was younger, how much I wish I could turn back time, I don't really want to go back there. Because I have learned so much in the last five years, both about myself and about other people. I feel like that knowledge has shaped me and moulded me as a person, helped me grow. Perhaps I'm not the perfect girl for one guy, perhaps they need someone else that they can help to grow up they way they choose to grow them. But hopefully I'll be the perfect girl for someone else. Someone who actually wants a girl who knows her own mind, who isn't just a sheep.
I'm proud of the fact I've learned enough to know I'm not willing to change completely for someone. I couldn't have said that 5 years ago. I didn't know my own mind back then. Now I do.
I know that while I'm willing to compromise in a relationship, I am not willing to compromise my personality. I also know that someone who doesn't appreciate my personality, likes and dislikes, is not someone I should be with. If being traded in for a younger model means being left on the shelf in the meantime, then I guess so be it.
After all, new trends come and go, and there's always a newer model to replace the previous one for someone who is fickle enough to drop one for another on a frequent basis. But quality vintage? That may be appreciated by fewer, but it's far more lasting . . .
Dedicated to anyone who has ever been traded in for a younger model...
posted by P at
5/05/2008 04:15:00 PM
7 Comments:
Eloquent as ever Paula but...
Why have we this fundamental problem with older women? I prefer older women because a) I can talk to them and b)they tend to be a bit more interesting sexually - in general I've found that there is more desire and more confidence (unless of course they're paralysed with the fear that you're going to "trade them in...")
I know it's different for guys but I look forward to getting older. Look at it this way: there's not much you can do about it so best accept the great things that it offers and enjoy yourself!
Like I said, it's a sweeping generalisation I'm making here. And it's not something I've ever worried about in the past, not until the last few weeks when i discovered this had actually HAPPENED to me. I get your points though!
What a great post Paula. Thank you so much for guest blogging.
Like I have told her, I never knew how it felt like to be the older woman. I, ME was always the one who was the younger woman, the one who didnt care. I had no idea how it felt like, now that the roles have switched it is weird to suddenly be a a point were I have become the older woman. Its is different for me to date a 20 year old than a man who is 28 dating a 20 year old. Its just all new to me this new stage in life I have entered.
Beautiful, P~! Thanks for sharing
It is funny-- I am only 4 months older than my guy, but people feel the need to always make the cradle-robbing reference. Yet no one ever commented about my last boyfriend, who was 4 years older than me.
The thing I hate about being older is when I see the Maxim Hot 100 list or whatever-- and I see that I am older than practically everyone on there-- at 26!
(Except for the classics like Halle Berry, who will remain doable well into her 70s)
once again...wonderful post Polly!
I will be 3 yrs younger than you in less than a month..and i have to agree with something you said...
"I might have more money in the bank, a bit more security, a little less (or no) virginity, a far quicker wit, and a bit more savvy than I did back then"
when i read your blogs, and hear your voice in your words on the screen, i am constantly reminded how far behind i am than you and others 28 yrs of age! Like you said, you are very witty, and savy and many things you can only be the older you get. The 23 yr olds, or the 25 yr olds like myself, think about the 28 yr olds with envy, just like yall think about the 23 yr olds..
don't forget that ok!
...please where can I buy a unicorn?
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